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i havent written about this, simply because i didnt want to get upset. and im tired of all this crap..

i talked to someone today i shouldnt have and i know better. but i did none the less and im also listening to a cd that i shouldnt as well..but oh well.
it's making me feel emotional. weird to put into words.

when i was pregnant with alexis, my best friend valicity was very against me keeping her. she wanted to adopt the baby once it was born and i said no. she came down (she lived at the time 9 hrs away in northern idaho) the weekend before alexis was born and after alexis was born, the last time i spoke to her was when lex was two weeks old.

after that my calls went unanswered. i finally just gave up and said "screw it".

through total chance, i was looking up something else and i came across the fact that valicitys husband was now teaching here in boise. i emailed him and then i called and left messages.

i got an email the next day from valicity saying yes, she stopped talking to me because i kept alexis. i had my mom and the friends both valicity and i have had for 18 yrs (who she stopped talking to years ago) and everyone said that she thinks way too highly of herself and that she's pissed i didnt give her what she wanted.

it's pissed me off and hurt me. this isnt someone i've known for just a year or two. it's someone i have known since the 5th grade. and she had no faith in me what so ever at all to be a good mom. how the hell ...she was more of a sister to me than my own sister. which really isnt saying much if you know judy..but still. she was one of only two people (and the first) that i told when my dad killed himself.

the night i got her email, i stayed up most of the night crying. the next day i was still so hurt. and then i said, screw it. i made the right choice and i did it, because ITS MY LIFE. i know what i am capable of and what i can handle and im a damn good mom.

does that make it any easier? no. i want to point out the shit she's done in her life and remind her that i didnt agree with her, but i stuck by her side. it's not my life and i cant tell someone what to do. that's not me though...

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
poeticloner
Apr. 10th, 2008 12:13 pm (UTC)
"You kept your own baby, that makes me SO ANGRRRRRY."

This is ridiculous and makes me very upset that someone would do this to you.
sewziemarie
Jul. 18th, 2008 06:01 am (UTC)
i didnt comment on this for a long time, simply because it just upset me too much (the whole stupid bullshit).

a lot more happened and i'll post when im actually at home (on vacation in utah and have been for almost 2 weeks. going home this weekend and perhaps sleeping for amonth)...

it makes me so upset that someone i who i said was my best friend for so long did this to me.

in my last email i wrote to her i just said that maybe you never knew me and that is horribly sad to say to someone after years and years of friendship.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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